Into the Twilight
by Rose DiVerona
Summary: They never told me it was going to be so hard. I used to imagine what it would be like; fantasized, even. Imagined it following through in some proud, almost triumphant way. Like a hero in a story. It wasn’t like that. Not at all.


A/N: Wow, it feels so good to be writing again! I've been forced to give up writing for fun since the end of February because of how busy everything has been at school. Not to say things have lightened up (they've actually gotten worse!), but I couldn't stop myself from writing this tonight. You could say it practically exploded out of me. :) Enjoy.

Disclaimer: Haven't had to write one of these in a while...lol. Not mine.

* * *

**Into the Twilight**

It happened on a Monday. I woke up, showered, dressed, and drank a cup of coffee on the roof, the same as always. Usually at this point Mark would join me and remind me to take my AZT. Then we'd return downstairs for bowls of Captain Crunch.

For once, Mark wasn't there. He was on a business trip in Chicago, and Collins, a native of the Windy City, was with him. It was a long way from home, and they were taking a couple extra days to see the sights and visit Collins' remaining relatives. There were still two days until I expected them back on Wednesday.

Glancing around the empty kitchen, I almost expected Mimi to glide inside as she usually did around the same time each morning, scrounging what was left of the coffee before cheerfully inquiring what the day's activities were.

But Mimi was away in Mexico, visiting her sick grandmother. She had invited me to go with her, but I'd decided it would be safer to avoid her disapproving extended family. Mark and I were scheduled to meet Mimi at the airport Friday.

So for the time being, I was alone in the apartment.

I sat on a stool in the kitchen, munching distractedly on stale cereal and trying to ignore the pressure in my chest. For the past couple of months, I'd been feeling the effects of my AIDS worse than usual. The doctor told me I probably had up to a year left, but all of my friends had been extremely careful with me ever since. I'd practically had to force Mark, Collins, and Mimi out the door on their respective trips, after swearing to take it easy and not to skip my AZT.

That left Maureen and Joanne to check up on me, and, if I remembered correctly, this particular Monday saw Joanne working on a case out of the City. That meant Maureen got the task of entertaining today.

No sooner had I remembered this than the door slid open with a bang and Maureen pranced inside, beaming.

"Good morning, New York City!" she shouted dramatically.

"Maureen…it's just us," I reminded her.

She ignored me, crossing the room to the window and yelling her announcement to the pigeons on the electric wire.

I rolled my eyes and put my bowl in the sink.

"So, what's on the agenda today?" I asked.

She turned to me, apparently satisfied with the number of innocent people she'd already roused with her screaming, and grinned.

"Well, I thought we'd go for a walk, grab lunch at the Life Café…and then maybe you could play me a certain song on your guitar?"

I groaned. "Mimi put you up to this, didn't she? I told her that my new song isn't finished. It isn't ready to be played."

Maureen shrugged and dropped the subject.

"Well, we could…"

My vision suddenly swam as Maureen continued her rambling, and I staggered.

"Roger?"

I blinked. Maureen was watching me, concerned.

"Huh?" The dizzy spell had passed, leaving only a slightly weak feeling.

"You feel okay?" she asked.

"Uh-huh. Yeah. Um, a walk sounds good." Fresh air.

No sooner had we stepped onto the street than another wave of nausea overtook me. This time, my legs could not support me and I fell onto the pavement, wincing as I scraped my elbows.

Maureen flew to my side.

"Roger? Roger?"

I tried to figure out why her voice was fading away…

--

"Roger? Are you awake?"

I opened my eyes. Maureen was leaning over me, a worried crease between her eyes.

"Ugh…" I glanced around hazily. I was lying in a hospital bed, a beeping machine matching my heart rate and an IV protruding from my arm. Maureen was in a chair next to me. "…what happened?"

"You fainted. When we were walking." Maureen sat back, obviously relieved I'd woken up. "Scared me to death. I called an ambulance and we got you to the hospital. That was…about an hour ago. The doctors haven't told me anything yet."

I nodded. My eyelids felt heavy, but I resisted the urge to close them.

"Maureen…"

"Sleep," she said at once. "Go ahead. I'll be right here. I'm going to call everyone else, let them know what happened…"

Her words faded as my eyes slowly closed.

--

When I opened them again, Maureen's solemn face was still looming over me, but I sensed some time had passed. The lighting was different.

"Maureen?" I croaked.

Her mouth twitched into a smile, but her eyes remained sad.

"Hey."

I swallowed. If Maureen was upset, something had to be terribly wrong.

"What did the doctors tell you?" I asked, shifting, and wincing as I accidentally tugged at the IV stuck into my arm.

She sighed. "Not much. They just talk to each other, mostly. You know how doctors are-"

I interrupted her. "Maureen – am I going to die?"

Her nostrils flared and she choked. "No! No…I mean, you're sick, but you aren't going to die…you _can't _die, not yet." A single tear slipped down her cheek.

I attempted to raise my arm to pat her cheek, only to find that she was already holding my hand tightly. I breathed in, and was discouraged by the crackly sound I heard in response and the painful tightness in my chest.

"Are the others…"

She shook her head, brown curls bouncing, and wiped her eyes on the sheet.

"I tried. I called all of them. Mark and Collins went straight to the airport to book the soonest flight home, but all the flights coming out of O'Hare are delayed because of storms. I got hold of Joanne, and she's trying to untangle herself from the courtroom, but then it's another two hours to get here. I even managed to find Mimi's parent's number and remember enough Spanish to say I wanted to talk to Mimi and that something was wrong, but Mimi wasn't home and I didn't know how to leave a message with them." Tears were streaking down Maureen's cheeks now, but she seemed unaware of them as she took a deep breath. "Roger, I even called Benny! He's with Alison in the Bahamas, but he promised to take care of paying for absolutely anything we need. I…I thought about calling your parents, but I didn't know…"

"No," I shook my head. "Not them. They…they don't need to know. I don't want them to worry about me until it's…until it's too late."

"You're _not _going to die," Maureen repeated firmly. "Not tonight. Oh, God, please…" And she burst into tears, heaving desperate sobs unlike anything I'd ever heard from my friend.

I laid my head back on the pillow, closed my eyes, and repeated Maureen's pleas in my head.

_Not tonight. Please._

Time passed. I fell in and out of sleep. Maureen dozed off and woke up in a skewed pattern. I didn't want to alarm her, but I felt worse as each minute passed. I breathed more slowly and with more labor. I was sweating and in pain.

The nurse who came in once to check up on me noticed this, but at a pleading look with a meaningful glance at the snoozing Maureen, she pursed her lips and left without remarking.

When the sky was black outside the window and the lit-up clock on the wall said it was one o'clock in the morning, Maureen's phone rang.

She jerked awake and fell off the chair, scrambling for her purse and retrieving her mobile.

"Hello?"

I could hear the voice on the other line clearly in the quiet room.

"_Maureen?_"

"Mimi! Oh, thank God-how did you know to call?"

"_Mama told me a friend from America called about something important. I know you and Joanne are the only ones with phones in New York right now, so yours was the first number I tried after no one picked up at the Loft. What's wrong?"_

I reached for the phone and Maureen placed it wordlessly in my hand, biting her lip. I took a breath and coughed, holding the phone away. Mimi could hear anyway.

"_Is that Roger?_"

"Yeah, baby, it's me." I winced at the rough edge to my voice.

"_Rog? You sound awful! Are you okay?_"

"No. No, I'm not, actually. Maureen and I…we're at the hospital."

There was silence on the other end of the line, then a shaky breath.

"_Are you…is it…?_"

I sighed. "Yeah, I think so."

Her voice grew panicky. "_Hold on Roger, I'm coming home right now. I'm getting on the next flight._"

"Mimi," I said gently. "It's midnight where you are. There won't be any more flights tonight."

"_I _have _to get home!_" she choked. "_Hold on, you hear? Just...hang on for me, okay? I'll be home soon._"

A tear trickled out of the corner of my eye as I struggled for air. "Mimi…I love you."

"_No! Don't say that! Don't _ever _say that to me! You're gonna be okay. Promise me you'll wait for me!_"

"Meems…"

"_Promise!_"

"I…can't." I said slowly, trying to hold back my own tears. I couldn't cry, breathe, and talk at once. "Mimi…do you love me?"

"_Of course I do, but-_"

"Tell me. Tell me you love me. I need to hear it."

There was a long, defeated pause. "_I love you, Roger Davis._"

I hesitated. "Goodbye." I hung up and wheezed, trying to control myself as uncontrollable tears poured down my face. I hadn't cried before – I hadn't been afraid to die before. But now I was.

"Roger!" Maureen jumped up and shouted for help, clutching my hand even tighter than before.

As doctors swarmed into the room, I whispered Maureen's name. She crouched next to me.

"Tell them…tell them all…I'll miss them."

Then blackness came, and the welcome feeling of release. It was over.

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A/N: Phew. Now I'm depressed. Great. :) Still giddy at having written something for myself, though! (I know it stunk, but I'm really out of practice!) Review and make me even happier!


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